14. A Disappointing Dream (Vaye)¶
Vaye was completely out of her depth. What had she been thinking? She knew nothing about Vargashi philosophy, or meridians, or whatever the Seven Salutations were. The other candidates were weirdly bad at manipulating witchglass, but apparently that was fine. Her one supposed advantage didn’t even matter. Why had she thought she could pass the Challenge? She’d have had just as much luck trying to walk through the Eyewall.
Gadarien had thoroughly won over the throng, and they cheered for him as she left the courtyard. There was something magnetic about him, a force of personality that made him impossible to ignore. The scowling Cantereian servants were probably envious of his success.
She wandered out the gates and drifted aimlessly down the path that hugged the wall enclosing the School. A burst of cheering drifted overhead as another Challenger did something exciting and impressive. She stared up at the colossal, swirling mass of the Eyewall, cursing herself for accepting Belosveka’s ill-founded confidence in her. Maybe she could work at the School as a servant, although she doubted she’d be able to access the Anashic artifact collection that way. Infuriatingly, that arrogant, aristocratic twat Hainzu had been right: she was only fit to work in the kitchens.
She sighed, feeling drained. She’d barely slept, afraid that Hainzu and his friends might attack, and was still unsettled by the incident with Fihro and Musab. Despite Belosveka’s reassurances, she knew the truth: she was a murderer. She needed to understand what she had done and how she had done it. Had that been what the Gift of Sympathy was supposed to do, or had something gone wrong? The only way to make sense of it was to ask Grandmother.
She came across an ornate gateway that gave a view of a beautiful garden filled with statues and topiary. A profusion of exotic plants sprouted from manicured beds where brightly-colored flowers bloomed beneath delicate witchglass domes. It looked like a perfect place to commune with Grandmother, tranquil and secluded. Next to the gate, a thick vine covered with trumpet-shaped purple blossoms curled over the wall, hanging just low enough to grab if she jumped.
She pulled herself up, grunting as she swung a leg over the top, and clambered down the other side. In the center of the garden, a grove of trees surrounded a fountain. Its rim was carved into the likeness of a ring of people holding hands and looking up at the central figure of Sky Mother, with her three faces representing the Refractions. Water cascaded from the detached head of a curly-haired demon, held aloft by the sculpture.
Vaye set her bag on the lip of the fountain, closed her eyes, and slowly began the movements of her nownow ritual, trying to pull herself inward toward the Balance Point with each breath. The prayer ordinarily calmed her, but this time she had to repeat the sequence twice before her agitation started to wane.
She took a sip from the fountain and loaded her pipe. The ball of nownow had soaked up some of Fihro’s blood, which couldn’t be washed off without dissolving the drug. Grimacing, she pinched off one of the drier pieces and tried to ignore the sickening, coppery tang as she drew the smoke into her lungs. It was hard not to think about what she’d done when she was literally breathing in the evidence, but the drug would soon wash away the meaning of her actions. Desperate for relief, she took another big hit before the first one had even taken effect. Past and future slid away like a discarded robe, leaving her naked to the present.
When she opened her eyes in the clearing, the moon was barely a sliver, the surrounding trees just a dark smudge beneath a bruised sky. Blinking away her confusion, she looked down to find Grandmother standing before her with crossed arms and an expression of annoyance. “This won’t do, Vaye,” the deity said. “You’re as high as the stratosphere. You won’t remember a damned thing.”
Vaye shook her head, her vision swimming. The pine needles shifted under her feet, seeming to move independently like the teeth of the Grandchildren. She gasped, hugging her arms to her chest.
“What happened?” Grandmother said. “Our last connection cut off suddenly. That can be dangerous, especially while I’m transmitting a Gift.”
Through her confusion, Vaye registered surprise at Grandmother’s ignorance. Had the goddess not been watching? “I was attacked,” she said. “Some thugs followed me home and tried to rob me. But I stabbed one of them with a piece of witchglass and... I’m not sure what happened. I took control of him, and used his arm to kill—”
Her voice caught in her throat. She knew what she’d done, but this was the first time she’d said it out loud, and somehow that made it more real. “To kill the other one,” she whispered.
“Good,” Grandmother said. “That means the module wasn’t corrupted.”
“I don’t want to be a killer,” Vaye said, hating the weakness in her voice. She sounded like a mewling kitten, frail and helpless.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to get used to it,” the goddess replied. “While our foes reign, we will never know peace.” She looked down at Vaye. As sometimes happened, their relative heights had changed, and the deity seemed as tall and dark as the surrounding forest, her eyes glowing like crucibles. “For Anash to rise, our enemies must fall.”
“But how?” Vaye said. “I’m only one person.”
“Not just any person,” Grandmother said. “The Gifts so far are only a fraction of your potential. Once you complete the Tashiya, I’ll be able to move through you unhindered, and we’ll summon our forces.”
“Our forces?” Vaye said. Something about Grandmother’s tone stirred up a sludge of dread at the bottom of her mind. “What forces?”
The goddess smiled. “You already summoned them once, as you passed close to Anash. They’re drawn to you. I originally made them as research tools, to gather information, but they serve many purposes. Once our connection is fully open, you’ll be able to command them consciously. Then we’ll be unstoppable.”
Vaye shivered, hugging herself. The moon, usually so warm and familiar, now seemed to drain the heat from her body, emptying it into the black void.
Grandmother stiffened and looked past her, eyes blazing white. “Someone’s coming.” The goddess flickered out of existence and, a moment later, the dream world followed.
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