14. A Disappointing Dream (Vaye)¶
Vaye was completely out of her depth. What had she been thinking? She knew nothing about Vargashi philosophy, or meridians, or whatever the Seven Salutations were. The other candidates were weirdly bad at manipulating witchglass, but apparently that didn’t matter. The whole plan had been about as feasible as gluing the shards of Irkeset back together. She’d have to come up with something else.
As she made her way out of the courtyard, the throng behind her cheered for Gadarien. There was something magnetic about him, a force of personality that made him impossible to ignore. The only people he hadn’t won over were the scowling Cantereian servants, who were probably just envious of his success.
She wandered out the gates and drifted aimlessly through the alley that ran next to the wall enclosing the School, a wave of exhaustion seeping into the space vacated by her nervous energy. A burst of cheering drifted overhead as another Challenger did something exciting and impressive. She stared up at the wall, cursing herself for accepting Belosveka’s ill-founded confidence in her. Maybe she could work at the School as a servant, although she doubted she’d be able to access the Anashic artifacts that way. Infuriatingly, that twat Hainzu had been right: she was only fit to work in the kitchens.
She sighed, utterly drained. She’d barely slept, afraid that Hainzu and his friends might attack, and was still rattled by the incident with Fihro and Musab. Despite Belosveka’s reassurances, she felt like a murderer. She needed to understand what she’d done and how she’d done it. Had that been what the Gift of Sympathy was supposed to do, or had something gone wrong? The only way to make sense of it was to ask Grandmother.
Across the alley, an ornate gateway gave a peek into a beautiful garden filled with statues and topiary. A profusion of exotic plants sprouted from manicured beds where brightly colored flowers bloomed beneath delicate glass domes. The absence of private guards meant the garden was probably part of the School, perhaps the herb lore department. It was a perfect place to commune with Grandmother, tranquil and secluded. Next to the gate, a thick vine covered with trumpet-shaped purple blossoms curled over the wall, hanging just low enough to grab if she jumped.
She pulled herself up, grunting as she swung a leg over the top, and clambered down the other side. In the center of the garden, a grove of trees surrounded a fountain. Its rim was carved into the likeness of a ring of people holding hands and looking up at the central figure of Sky Mother, with her three faces representing the Refractions. Water cascaded from the detached head of a curly-haired demon, held aloft by the sculpture. Hopefully Grandmother wouldn’t be offended by Vaye’s choice of venue.
She set her bag on the lip of the fountain, closed her eyes, and slowly began the movements of her nownow ritual, trying to pull herself inward toward the Balance Point with each breath. The prayer ordinarily calmed her right away, but she had to repeat the sequence three times before her agitation started to wane.
She took a drink from the fountain, then loaded her pipe. The ball of nownow had soaked up some of Fihro’s blood, which couldn’t be washed off without dissolving the drug. Grimacing, she pinched off one of the drier pieces and packed the pipe. The nownow caught fire reluctantly, the flame sputtering and sluggish. She tried to ignore the coppery tang of blood as she drew the smoke into her lungs, the joke she had made about consuming Cantereians no longer seeming quite as droll. It was hard to ignore what she’d done when she was literally breathing in the evidence. Desperate to forget, she took another big hit before the first one had even taken effect. Past and future slid away like a discarded robe, leaving her naked to the present.
When she opened her eyes in the clearing, the moon was barely a sliver, the surrounding trees a dark smudge beneath a bruised sky. Blinking away her confusion, she looked down to find Grandmother standing before her with crossed arms and an expression of annoyance. “This won’t do, Vaye,” the deity said. “You’re as high as the stratosphere. You won’t remember a damned thing.”
Vaye shook her head, her vision swimming. The pine needles shifted under her feet, seeming to move independently like the teeth of the Grandchildren. She gasped, hugging her arms to her chest.
“What happened?” Grandmother said. “Our last connection cut off suddenly. That can be dangerous, especially while I’m transmitting a Gift.”
Despite her confusion, Vaye registered surprise at Grandmother’s ignorance. Had the goddess not been watching her? “I was attacked,” she said. “Some thugs followed me home and tried to rob me. But I stabbed one of them with a piece of witchglass and… I’m not sure what happened. I took control of him, and used his arm to kill—” Her voice caught. This was the first time she’d said it out loud, and somehow that made it more real. “To kill the other one,” she whispered.
“Good,” Grandmother said. “That means the module wasn’t corrupted.”
“I don’t want to be a killer,” Vaye said, hating the weakness in her voice. She sounded like a mewling kitten, frail and helpless.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to get used to it,” the goddess replied. As sometimes happened, their relative heights had changed, and the deity now stood as tall and dark as the surrounding forest, Her eyes like distant stars. “While our foes reign, we will never know peace. For Anash to rise, our enemies must fall.”
“But how?” Vaye said. “I’m only one person.”
“Not just any person,” Grandmother said. “I’ve been waiting a long time for someone like you to be born. Once I sensed your presence, I went to a great deal of trouble to make sure you received your heritage. Getting those tzashim into your mother’s possession wasn’t easy to arrange. But the Gifts I’ve granted you so far are only a fraction of your potential. Once you complete the Tashiya, I’ll be able to move through you unhindered, and we’ll summon our forces.”
“Our forces?” Vaye said. Something about Grandmother’s tone stirred up a sludge of dread at the bottom of her mind. “What forces?”
The goddess smiled. “The Grandchildren, of course. You already summoned them once. The first Gift I gave you, when you were a girl, granted you the power to draw them to you when threatened.”
Vaye drew back. The moon, usually so warm and familiar, now seemed to drain the heat from her body, emptying it into the black void. “The Grandchildren? But…”
“They were designed to be research tools, but they serve many purposes,” the goddess continued. “Once our connection is fully open, you’ll be able to command them consciously. Then we’ll be unstoppable.”
Vaye shivered, hugging herself. The corrupted nownow was making her feel sick and confused. How could those monsters have been created by Grandmother? And if Vaye had truly summoned them, it meant all that death in the mountains really had been her fault. She’d come here looking for reassurance, but had plunged headlong into icy water instead.
Grandmother stiffened and looked past her, eyes blazing white. “Someone’s coming.” The goddess abruptly flickered out of existence and, a moment later, the dream world followed.
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