46. The Fruits of Knowledge (Gadarien)¶
The last time Gadarien had walked this road, he’d been headed to Thelenza with fresh orders, full of youthful energy and determination. That had been before meeting Teira, before entering the School, before Adranaya and Vaye. Those two years felt like two lifetimes.
Like him, the road had changed. It had once been packed with people heading in both directions: caravans laden with goods, Cantereian workers returning to visit their families, Sarmalan soldiers and officials forcing everyone else out of the way. Now it was nearly deserted. Even the ubiquitous roadside vendors were absent, which was a shame. He’d been looking forward to a cup of sliced fruit with salt and pepperbush dust.
After escaping the clutches of the Eyewall, they’d rested in the tunnel for half a day, listening to the gale howl past outside. Limping their way to the far end had taken three full days. He and Vaye had cut through the tangle of roadside brambles blocking the exit and crawled out, covered in bruises and scratches and mud. He’d chuckled darkly, imagining what his younger self would have thought of his glorious departure from Thelenza.
But after two more days on the road, his ability to find humor in the situation had thoroughly worn off. The marshland along the border was flat and muggy, with occasional stretches of boot-sucking mud to break the monotony. The lack of other travelers made them the sole target of the biting insects, which formed clouds around their heads and flew up their nostrils. Adranaya was unable to keep up a brisk pace for long, so their progress was painfully slow. Gadarien hadn’t liked the borderlands during his training, and he liked them even less now.
Vaye had seemed reluctant to dissolve the flowtree, but for Gadarien, breaking it had felt liberating. The intimacy had felt like an invasion of his privacy. Since childhood, he’d always needed time alone to feel whole, and the flowtree had only made that need more acute. Once the flowtree was gone, they’d all gone quiet, lost in their own thoughts. The three of them were no longer even walking together, having spread out along the road like strangers, each on their own journey. But the distance did little to soften his guilt.
Teira hadn’t bothered denying the orders she’d given Ruelso: no matter what, Adranaya couldn’t be allowed to remain in the Healer’s clutches. Ruelso had interpreted those orders aggressively, but the responsibility had been the Guiasa’s. Gadarien understood her rationale; he’d always known what she was willing to sacrifice. That didn’t mean he wasn’t angry, though. With Teira, with Ruelso, and most of all with himself.
He spotted some ripe aurunda and waded into the brush to gather it. When he returned, Vaye had caught up, Adranaya still trailing far behind. He wiped the fuzz off one of the wrinkled brown fruits and handed it to her. “Don’t eat the seeds unless you want to shit yourself,” he said.
Vaye wrinkled her nose and sniffed the aurunda. “Noted,” she said. She took a nibble, then shrugged and popped the whole thing in her mouth, spitting out the seeds like Gadarien was doing. “Can we talk?” she said around a mouthful.
“We are talking,” Gadarien said, bundling up the rest of the fruit in the lip of his shirt. He stepped across a ditch and continued walking.
“Yeah,” Vaye said, quickly catching up. “I have some questions, though.”
Gadarien sighed. He’d been dreading this conversation. “You want to know how I became a Feiçeira,” he said. She nodded, giving him space to speak. “Right. Well, the story I told you about my family was true, but I left out a couple things. The people who sold us out were Tementeira. You know who they are?”
“It’s a religious sect, right?”
“More like a cult,” Gadarien said, spitting out seeds. “They want to bring about the Finêa. The end of the world, when the Deucanta return and bring everything into harmony.”
“Sounds nice.”
“Not if you’re not in tune with the Tementeira. And trust me, you’re not. They believe sorcery is holy and should only be used for prayer. According to them, Feiçeira are heretics who are holding back the Finêa, which can’t happen until Cantereia has been ‘cleansed’ of nonbelievers. No Sarmalans, no Feiçeira, no one who’s not Tementeira. Which made my family the enemy.”
“Sounds like a fun bunch,” Vaye said.
Gadarien snorted. “Yeah, lots of laughs. The Tementeira killed my family, like I told you. The people who took me in afterward were Feiçeira loyalists. One of them was Teira’s sister.” He smiled, remembering the communal home. The period after the war had been hard, but it had also been the happiest of his life. The complex of buildings and adjacent gardens had been a lively place, populated by Cantereians of all stripes: orphans, parents whose children had died in the war, and wounded warriors, all desperate to reclaim Cantereia’s dignity. No one had explicitly pushed him to become a Feiçeira. They hadn’t needed to.
“When we lost the war, the Feiçeira went underground,” he continued. “But you could still find them if you knew how to listen. So that’s what I did.”
“And they sent you to Thelenza?” Vaye asked.
“Yes,” he said distractedly. The river was audible now, which meant they weren’t far from the bridge.
“To do what?”
He glanced at her sidelong, still instinctively resorting to secrecy. But the logic of espionage no longer made sense. He needed to let it go. “We were planning an attack, a blow that would weaken the Helix enough to let Cantereia regain her independence.”
“What kind of attack?” Vaye said.
He grimaced. Dredging up his past was bad enough, but he was even more reluctant to reveal his own ignorance. “I’m not sure. Teira and Jovadão knew the full plan, but they only told me what I needed to know.”
Vaye stopped suddenly, her boots kicking up a cloud of dust. “Hold on. We just killed a bunch of people. We almost died ourselves, repeatedly. Adra had her fucking personality wiped. We just walked through the fucking Eyewall, for Grandmother’s sake. And you don’t even know what you were working on?”
Gadarien rounded on her, fists clenched, his embarrassment flash-boiling into anger. “Oh, we need to understand everything now? How about you tell me how your arm healed so fast?” Vaye swayed back, her nostrils flaring, but said nothing. He took a step toward her and continued, his voice a low growl. “When you speak to Grandmother, what does she tell you?”
“I don’t remember,” Vaye snapped. “The dreams fade right after I wake up.”
Gadarien threw his hands in the air. “Great! That makes me feel much better.”
“What are you two arguing about?” Adranaya said, making him jump. He hadn’t seen her catch up.
Vaye crossed her arms and turned away, her jaw thrust forward. “Nothing, I guess,” Gadarien said.
“I hear the river,” Adranaya said. “Are we near the bridge?”
“Yeah,” Gadarien replied. He handed Adranaya a few of the fruits and headed back down the road.
“Aren’t you going to tell her about the seeds?” Vaye called out.
He flicked symbolic wax out of his ear in dismissal. “Tell her yourself. You’re the one who fucking knows everything.” Ignoring Vaye’s huff of annoyance, he continued toward the bridge.
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